By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize