Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
