God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
it's not cheating when I paid for it
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
