I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
