Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
