So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
He uses pillows to masturbate.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
