Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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