11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Bring me that man meat
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
