i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
The adults are the big ones right?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
