i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
