is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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