He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
