If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
