I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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