I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
