I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
