you didnt know i had herpes?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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