You can't special order awesome
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
