Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
