She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
