I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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