We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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