This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
