Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
