i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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