you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
