why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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