Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
