Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
