Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
