Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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