Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Terrible idea I love it
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
