she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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