the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
please come you make the beer taste better
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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