When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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