forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
be right there i have to get my cape
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I have post one night stand depression
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