I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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