I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
