I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
This is the high leading the old right now
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
