Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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