I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We left the knife in your bed.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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