i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
