After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
