the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
