I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
