His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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