And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
