Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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