so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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