just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
