apparently the secret to your success is patron
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
