your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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