I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
