when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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