Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
