he shaved USA in his pubs
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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