our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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