that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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