So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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