There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
