Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
