Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
