so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
