I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
