And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
