Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I didn't notice because vodka
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
