She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
