think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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