A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
