oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
