so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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