i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
