I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
