Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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