This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
