So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
