You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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